An age-by-age guide to delaying social media for your tween.
Hi friends!
As a young mom in the trenches, I wouldn't have survived without my smartphone: Chipotle carryout, Amazon diaper delivery, and Doctor-on-Demand were digital life savers! Even so, I couldn't ignore the way social media apps were making me more distracted, exhausted and stressed. I knew I would do anything to delay social media use for my kids, to protect them from pressures of social media as long as possible.
One thing I wished for in those early years was a sample roadmap to guide my family towards the smartphone years with intention and caution. So when I crossed the bridge to the social media years with the Boan kids? I took good notes. :)
Our family's roadmap is only slightly scientific and not perfect...but it’s full of good intentions and love. Your journey delaying social media won’t look the same as ours...it won’t even look the same child-to-child. Take what you need, tweak and improve it, and lean hard on God’s grace. I’m cheering for you!
xo,
Krista Boan
Founder
Note: This is Mini-Lesson 1 of 3 in a series covering delaying social media. In each mini-lesson, we unpack the core topics that pop-up when delaying social media for your tween(s). You can find the other two mini-lessons linked below.
- Mini-Lesson 2: Help tweens understand FOMO, friends and social limits while they wait.
- Mini-Lesson 3: Help tweens understand the harm of highlight reels while they wait.
I am tickled to share this FREE DOWNLOAD based on our family's journey delaying social media!
This sample roadmap will show you how to break down your child's digital journey into simple, age-appropriate baby steps. There's also a blank copy so you can draft a plan for delaying social media tailored to your family's unique needs.
JUST WANT THE CLIFF NOTES?
- KINDERGARTEN to 2ND GRADE: These are years where your child doesn't need their own personal device quite yet. Use this season to establish your role as a trustworthy authority who knows everything about the digital world. Use your parent phone to "show and tell" your child the ways you are using it as a tool, and what countermeasures you are putting in place to support your mental health!
- 3RD to 4TH GRADE: Your child might be asking for a little more independence, but you want them to have a device so you know they are safe. A kid-friendly smartwatch can a great baby step for this season. Keep contacts limited to a small number of people who you trust. Avoid watches that offer access to the internet.
- 5TH GRADE: With middle school just around the corner, this is a great year to transition to a kid-safe, first-phone that stays in the kitchen. My favorite first-phone products are Pinwheel, Gabb and Troomi. Keeping the device in the kitchen will give your child a season of practicing 1-to-1 texting with a limited number of friends and family under your supervision before the phone travels with them to school next year.
- 6TH to 9TH GRADES: The goal of your middle school years is to give your child a safe device that will allow them to practice healthy communication skills. Pinwheel, Gabb and Troomi offer amazing first phones for this age. Start with 1-to-1 texts, then add group texts, and finally, photo-texts. No internet, no social media apps, no play store.
- 10TH GRADE: Shift to a smartphone, stripped down to a limited number of apps and internet access--apply screentime filters and use a monitoring service like Bark (Android) or Covenant Eyes (Apple) to help give them accountability for decisions they make.
- 11TH GRADE: Add social media apps slowly, and plan for coffee-date check-ins to see how things are going. Continue using internet filters and Bark/Covenant Eyes to monitor for harmful activity and provide accountability.
- 12TH GRADE: The hardest step of all: take your hands off the wheel and pray! Slowly turn filters, settings, bedtimes and accountability practices over to your child, making sure they know you are always available for consultation and support when things go wrong. Give ownership of Playstore and other digital privileges.
Please note: this same baby-step approach can be taken with personal devices like iPads and gaming consoles, but to keep things simple, those aren't listed on this roadmap.
Subscribe for future resources to support your family as you are delaying social media for your kids. I'm cheering for you!
Author Krista Boan
Krista Boan is the co-founder of the international nonprofit Screen Sanity , host of the Screen Sanity podcast and a former middle school teacher. Her current work is developing simple social media mentorship resources for tweens, which she shares through the Social Compass newsletter. Krista has been featured in the Wall Street Journal, NBC with Diane Sawyer, the New York Times and Christianity Today. She lives in Kansas City with her husband and four t(w)eens.
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